Why am I single, yet unavailable?
I met a woman through her mother a couple years back...
I was going through some things, and I really didn't want
anyone to know about it, as I thought it meant I was weak...
Well, during this time, her and I would talk on the computer,
we'd use a voice chat program, and that was kinda kewl, and
the first day I spoke with her, I really liked her... she was sweet,
smart, funny, and just relaxing to talk too... her voice was like silk,
smooth, soft and comforting... I wanted to tell her that I liked her,
but I didn't... Well, I heard about a conference coming up, so I checked
and they were going, and I didn't really have a way to go, so her mom
was willing to let me tag along... I was so excited... I get to go and meet
a bunch of people that know me so well, will it be ok? would it be nuts?
who cares, I'm going... Well, I sat back thinking, oh wow, I get to meet her...
(yup, I liked her ONLINE, so sue me LOL!) so I thought I'd have a chance,
cause hey, she acted like she liked talking to me and stuff, so hey :)
Well, I was with my parents, we were in the dairy queen parking lot...
I saw their van pull up... they all got out... I wasn't scared or nervous, but
when she said Hi to me, I wanted to fall over... right then I said to myself...
No chance in hell with her man, just forget about it... she was beautiful... a heart of gold... blue eyes that sparkle like the ocean... a smile as
bright as the sun, not even mentioning her hair... wonderful girl... inside and out... and you don't see that often... and I know I don't deserve that... so, kinda sad I
went on and smiled, and was happy, yet had some sadness... but I wasn't going to
let this ruin our trip... so we stayed in a motel one night, and she came into
our room (our = myself and another dude) well, I proceeded to throw all the
blankets on her, then I picked up my box springs and put it on her, she was laughing,
and then I put some weight on it like I was sitting on it hehehe she laughed...
we got done, her face was red, she was so beautiful, all I did was smile LOL...
Through the entire trip, the guys would do something to the girls... like water guns,
or rubber bands, and just weird things like that... but I'd tell them not to mess with
her, and normally they wouldn't... one night we (the guys) were asked to come outside
to have our picture taken, so we went out to a grand surprise of all the women with
water balloons, so as we were there posed, like mighty warriors they rushed out from
behind cars, bushes and trash cans, they came at us like a force to be reckoned
with...
As we ran for our very lives we could hear their war cries as they screamed, chased,
laughed... and all I knew is I had on my running shoes, so I thought hey, SEE YA! and I ran
with God's speed as the wind was against my back... I was a good block to two blocks away...
Well, my friend was down there too, well... that's another story... but dang... what a night...
Women... *shakes head* but because of that, I did tell my bro to GET HER hahaha he soaked her down... I laughed, then ran hahaha Hey, I'm not a coward, just smart ;) she has a laugh,
that when you hear you go "Hmm, what is she up to?" hehe
So, that was the first conference we spent together, she didn't seem like she liked me in person,
and so I knew nothing could come of the way I felt... so I tried moving on, which failed miserably...
Then 7 months down the road, we went to another conference and because I thought that I was
too much trouble to pick up, I flew... well that conference went better between her and I, but I still
KNEW nothing could happen... that sucked, but it was ok cause hey, I was seeking God's will and
not my own, I'm not here to serve myself in any way, because what we think is doing what WE want
is only doing what the devil desires, because hey, get real people... if you're a Christian, then be one
and be a Follower of CHRIST... amen? so anyhow... Her and I talked more during that conference,
we were both able to tell each other things and that felt good... it was nice to realize that this girl IS
my friend who I met online... she helped me when my grandpa died, and this was right after I met her online...
she was there for me when no one else could be... my parents were gone on their way up to see him in
the hospital... I never liked that grandpa, and so I wasn't concerned about how I'd take it...
Well, to my surprise... I took it hard... well, she knew something wasn't right and insisted we talk... So we started talking... she was there for me... and since then, has always been there for me...
Now, back on track... 5 months later we're together again in yet another conference, this being our 3rd...
Well, her and I are closer... I got sick while I was there, and Sue made me go upstairs and lay down...
The girl took care of me, she got me pills, drinks and all that... she's an absolute sweetheart...
I've never met anyone like her... well during that conference, we ended up holding hands some...
I didn't think holding hands could make me feel the way I did, it was like the biggest thing she could
do to just make me feel so completely cared about... I literally felt honored and I know that may sound weird,
but keep in mind at this point I had liked her for almost 2 years... she was so out of my league that I wanted
to fall over... and if you know me, you know I'm not that kind of person, I'm normally very calm and kewl...
yes I get hyper and act stupid, but that's not who I am... yet this girl makes me feel like a boy who can do
anything again... it's so odd, I really can't explain it...
So, here comes where it gets a bit interesting... through all this, I had been talking to Sue, because heck
I didn't know what the heck I was doing, I didn't know why I had these feelings now for over two years, I
was so lost, I was so confused and I was just fed up... so 7 moths later at the 4th conference, I was sitting
up late, as in 4am with Sue and her daughter... well Sue told me I had to tell the girl, I told her no, cause there
is just no way... well... as I was talking I started crying like a BABY, and I mean wailing, I was at the end of my
rope, I hadn't a clue what I was doing, I was so fearful of the up coming rejection that I just bawled, Sue hugged
me and I just continued to cry... she said "you have to tell her" so the next day I did... I told her how I felt....
to my surprise, she didn't reject me... turns out she likes me too... has for the same amount of time... so through
it all, all the fear, confusion, heart brokenness, and just utter sadness... she likes me... and she doesn't like me
because I'm weird, or because I'm funny, or maybe because I'm a Jesus Freak... but she likes me because of ME...
and I tell you my friend... that's the best feeling I've ever known as an earthly feeling/emotion/whatever...
Currently her and I are not dating, but I'm not because of a promise I made to God... I am waiting for her though... because as long as I've been praying, I've prayed for God's perfect Will for my life, and my
feelings for her have not gone away, but have stayed and even got much stronger... Now if God tells me that I need to move on, I will, because I'm not here to serve myself, but I want what HE desires for me, period.
I dream about her, think about her, pray for her, and care for her very deeply... Never had anyone touch my heart the way she did...
So, that's why I'm unavailable... and very happy to be... I may not be dating her... but I'm saving myself for her...
She wishes to remain anonymous, and also no photographs of her will be displayed at her request.
What you just read was posted a long time ago. Now, the following is an update being posted on Friday Nov 15th 2002.
A long time ago I wrote a story HERE about this girl, hair as silk, eyes so blue, their beauty can't even be fully
understood by my menial brain... She loved me, so sweetly that I didn't know what to do... I've been use to not so good girls and now I had
one, who I couldn't even contemplate liking me...
The first time we talked for hours, it was awesome to be able to express me, who I am, who I want to be, but what I was right then...
From the last update I left saying
'So, that's why I'm unavailable... and very happy to be... I may not be dating her... but I'm saving myself for her... She
wishes to remain anonymous, and also no photographs of her will be displayed at her request.'
This is the update.
Awhile after that was posted, I would go back often to read it over and over again... Her and I kept in contact, since
we lived hours apart... My feelings only became deeper, time went on and on Feb 11th after 12 midnight she told me she needed
to tell me something that she had been holding in for a long time... I said alright, quickly
setting up sitting my glass
down... I listened intently, even silence at that point was too loud,
because I wanted to hear every word that came from her
lips... the thoughts 'oh Jesus, Lord, oh God' ran through my mind, as she took a
breath, and my heart began to race like the
horses on the day of the KY Derby... I bit my lip, sitting there shaking her voice cracked, her strength pushed through
and she said something that would change my life as I knew it, as I could ever
conceive it to be... After 3 years of agony, prayer, seeking, wondering, begging, releasing... 'I love you' strongly came out, tears
fell, my heart jumped and soul
rejoiced because my soul mate, the one I've loved since my love could be had finally been returned by the only one who
could fit that hole in my heart...
God is good!
I quickly said I love you too! tears flowed down, eyes tight, fist
clinched but so much weight released... for the first time in my
life I see a future, rather than the thoughts of my early death, something I fought with for years in my life... I have a
future! I HAVE A FUTURE! and it's with not only my sweet Savior, but with the woman who's been in my dreams since such a
young age... her mother laughed when I told them I was going to marry her, what they didn't understand is that I fell for her
before I ever knew she existed, much less met her, it was just a matter of finding the
woman that went with the love that was in my heart...
I don't say any of this to be sweet, nor even really for it to be read but I say this because it's in me, as I write tears are streaming
down my face, not because I'm upset but because despite my shortcomings, all my faults God has still blessed me with someone
I could never work hard enough to deserve... I love her with all my heart, with all I am or could ever be... she's so
precious, so sweet, so understanding of me... sometimes I don't even know what I'm going through, but all she has to do is
talk to me, to look upon my face and she reads me and knows what's wrong... she's the biggest blessing I've ever
received, I admire her so much for her strength, her wisdom, purity, knowledge and grace... she's what comes to mind when I think of the
definition for the words 'lady' or 'woman' she's all I've ever needed anyone to be... thank you darling...
and thank you Jesus!
This past Sept 28th, in front of about 50 people and my closest friends... I got down on my knee and asked this woman of God
to marry me, I was so scared, not because of her but because of my insecurities... She started to cry, and took the ring from
the box and put it on her finger before I could blink an eye... She said Yes...
*Yes...* That word has so much power...
Everyone cheered, even had some I didn't know coming to me saying how 'good' it was, heck I was still nervous and I'm not
like that... normally I'm the crazy, do anything life of the party but that night, all I was, was simply a man with his heart
on his sleeve hoping and praying she would someday marry me... I was elated, overjoyed and in absolute awe when she stepped
into my life, my heart and one day our home... oh God is good... I owe HIM everything, from my life, to my future... Why? not
only because what He's done with her, but what He does everyday... I am truly blessed more than I can say...
One of these days, this will be updated again... when I don't know because the next things to happen are in His hands...
I'm going to her parents for new years, I look so forward to getting to spend time with them... I love her Mom
dearly, she stuck with me when no one wanted to talk to me... I pushed her away, yet she kept coming back for more abuse... I talked to
her tonight, and asked why she did that... her response made me laugh... she said, she guess she knows why NOW... hehe I also
look forward to being her 'son', she's a good woman... I don't know her Dad, but that will change...
If you read all this, WOW! You deserve a gold star :)
I'm leaving this one a bit differently...
My fiance and I are very happy, I waited for her, she waited for me... This shows you what can happen when you place things
in God's hands... It wasn't easy, to wait and to pray but it paid off and I'd do it all over again... She's more than worth
it.